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Rating: I'm gonna go with 'Teen'.
Warnings: Dark. Mentions of attempted suicide (Beyond Birthday).
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. Therefore, I'm not Kira.
Note #1: I am not responsible for the Misa-bashing. That’s all Light’s idea, and the way he sees her. (Yes, I do like blaming things on Light…but in this case it’s justified!) And so far I think I’m being nicer to Light than I ever have, so… :P I’m an L gal all the way!
“Just…I have to request. I know you and my brother were competitive, but please don’t transfer your rivalry to me. I’m not here to win. I’m just here to play a good game and maybe have some fun along the way.” With these words, Beyond Birthday, as ‘Rue Ryuzaki’, L’s elusive, clueless, easygoing brother, enters the fight against Kira. He’s made his move, and now he waits for Light Yagami’s turn at the chessboard.
What If I Say I’m Not Like the Others?
Beyond Birthday was singing at the top of his lungs, ignoring the wishes of the others in the apartment complex. They probably wanted him to keep the volume down. It wasn’t because he sounded like an out of tune, dying cat. On the contrary, his voice was beautiful as compared to most, and he had a vocal range that professional singers envied. No, he was simply too loud at an odd time of the morning, but considering that he’d physically crumpled the last time a friendly neighbor suggested he might be a little quieter and looked ready to cry, none had yet worked up the courage to try again.
“What if I say I will never surrenderrrr…” He lost himself so easily in the song, the only time he felt free and sane. A polite knocking came at the door. So perhaps someone had found the nerve after all.
He didn’t cease his singing as he walked to the door, opening it to find a somewhat bemused brown-haired young man blinking as he continued with the lyrics, “I’m the voice inside your head you refuse to hear…”
“Can I talk to you, Rue? I…I was on the Kira Task Force, and I have something to tell you about your brother.” At long last, Kira was making his move. His confused reaction showed that while he knew English well enough to be able to translate Beyond’s words, he wasn’t particularly familiar with the song. He’d likely memorized the line immediately, and would look it up as soon as he was alone. He’d probably find the song choice suspicious, but then, that hadn’t been on purpose. Beyond was wanting to maintain a healthy level of suspicion and dismissal. He didn’t want to become the threat his ‘brother’ had apparently posed.
Silently, the raven-haired man opened the door wider, motioning for his fellow student to enter the room. He wasn’t pulling off the ‘not creepy’ so well today, but he was a bit sleep deprived. He kept wanting to sleep, but the thought of what awaited him deterred him from that idea. So far today he was failing at maintaining that delicately poised balance—or his own balance, for that matter, as he nearly walked into the wall. Carefully he moved to the cd player and shut it off, yawning loudly. “Would you like anything to eat or drink, Light-kun?” he offered courteously, drifting, listless steps bringing him to the kitchen. With as much caution as he’d use to dismantle a bomb, he brought out a tea bag for himself and put it in a cup, slowly pouring water into it.
“No thank you.” Light Yagami, always polite, the gentleman. Even if he killed you afterwards.
When he returned with a cup of sugarless tea with milk, Light raised an eyebrow, having gotten used to L’s syrupy concoctions.
Yagami looked at him pityingly and then, in his nicest, most gentle voice, he told Beyond something the crazy genius never thought he’d hear from the lips of Kira. “Your brother was working with us to apprehend the infamous Kira. He was very brave and very intelligent and…well, I’m sorry, Rue, but he was killed by Kira.”
The teacup fell from nerveless pale fingers and shattered against the floor, the tea staining the floor like blood. In a voice so full of emotion that Beyond hardly recognized it as his own, he asked, “…he…what? He…he went back to England…”
Light shook his head, looking sympathetic. “No, he never left Tokyo. He wasn’t barred from the force because he was a student, since obviously I am a part of it as well. We were intelligent enough and driven enough to want to catch Kira. I thought as his brother, you might like to know…”
Beyond sobbed, bringing out a letter that was now beginning to be warped from tears. “I miss him. Every time he’s gone, it’s like I’m missing some essential body part…you’re saying he’s dead? He didn’t say that…but of course he wouldn’t, he can’t…”
Light’s eyes flashed upon seeing the letter. It was a fake, but Kira wasn’t to know that of course. Beyond was fairly confident in his ability to copy L’s handwriting, since he’d managed to fool Naomi with it. Light, of course, was ten times smarter than Naomi was; he’d practically had to hold her hand the whole way and wondered if perhaps boredom and frustration had led to his desire to kill himself. Still, the letter should hopefully further legitimize his front as the less intelligent younger brother of a genius that Kira had killed.
Wordlessly, Rue handed the letter to Kira, who was now itching in his seat to tear it from the other man’s grasp, wanting to learn the contents and if this Ryuzaki was a threat. Gratefully, the student took it from him as tears, salty and stinging, left the mark of their trails as surely as had Beyond’s knife in his own arm, several years ago…
There’s nothing you’ll find in there, my friend. I’m not that easy to play.
Brother,
If this letter reaches you, I have been defeated. I know you will have a hard time believing this, but it is true. The one who never gives up, who, if he fails, merely tries harder or does something unexpected.
Well, this is my something unexpected. Along with Watari, I am returning to England. For safety, you will probably not see me again for a long time. I am the one known as L. You always knew me as a great detective. In actuality, I am the greatest, and Kira…Kira has surpassed me. There is no justice left in the world except Kira’s twisted form of justice, and I no longer know how to defeat him. I used to know what was necessary, to be able to beat the chess moves. Now…now the only way to catch him is to become him, to declare myself the arbiter of justice, to execute the one I know but cannot prove to be Kira. And I cannot take that step, because even doing that would allow him to win. I would be forced to acknowledge that his way of doing things is legitimate, and I will never do that. It may be alluring, and the temptation is strong, but…I am nothing like him. The world is not as straightforward as he thinks it is. Nor will it ever be.
The knowledge that I have failed is a heavy weight that I fear I cannot bear. If I had as much cowardice or courage as you, I would have tried your solution, but…
I cannot.
So instead I return to England, hanging my head in defeat.
It will be a long time before you see me. As I stated, this is a safety precaution. I care no longer for my own, but you…
I hope you understand what I mean, for I cannot write the words. I never could.
As such, I am leaving instructions for you. Please follow them, as they are only ever meant for your own good.
1) DO NOT GO TO JAPAN. This is imperative. Kira is in Japan, and if he sees you he will most likely view you as similar to the threat I posed, considering our similar appearance. I do not wish another death.
2) Along the same lines, do not try to seek out Kira and bring him to justice. You will hardly succeed where I cannot, and you will get yourself killed.
3) I believe it has been long enough, so you will be released. Do not try anything stupid.
4) Do not commit any crimes. I cannot guarantee your safety then either.
5) Try to live a good life. I know it is probably too late for you to change, but please. For my peace of mind if not for your own.
6) Do try not to let the candy manufacturers lose business in my absence. I will be ordering, of course, but there’s only so much one can do online.
7) The first three are the most important. Ignore the others if you must, but it is imperative you do not forget the first three.
~Ryuzaki
Kira was a whirl of emotions. Had L been really about to quit the task force, to return to England and admit defeat? Or had he guessed he was about to die and written something to keep his brother out of harm’s way?
Light looked up at Beyond, dumbfounded. “You knew…your brother…?”
“I knew he was on the Kira case,” Rue confirmed, shaking now, on the brink of hysteria. He wasn’t altogether certain how he’d managed to conjure up a reaction this convincing, but he was doing pretty well. “But…but he…he lied…He was supposed to be alive!” Rue’s fists clenched as he spat out the words. Somewhere along the line, the identities of ‘Rue Ryuzaki’ and ‘Beyond Birthday’ appeared to have been merged. He could disentangle them later. “He said he went back to England. He said he was alive and that it might be a while but I’d see him again. He lied to me. He knew he might die and HE LIED!” His fingernails dug into his skin, his teeth biting down so hard on his lip that it bled. His whole face was wet, now, with tears, and shimmered like a lake in moonlight as he slowly sank to his knees, whole body shaking in sobs as one single trail of blood joined the hundreds of tears, etching a crimson trail to his chin. For an act, it was pretty convincing, even for Beyond himself.
Light Yagami honestly had no idea how to react to this. Since the beginning, he had for all intents and purposes been playing chess against an emotionless computer. At least, that was how L had chosen to present himself, and little Kira had seen contradicted that theory. This, on the other hand…
He’d never had to face his victims before, or their families. Never had someone besides Misa break down in a frenzy of grief before him. And her tears were not the honest, heartfelt ones that he now saw. Of course, she believed she had feelings, that she served him, but a level of superficiality had somehow pierced her core, made her completely useless and a threat. Ryuzaki greatly resembled his brother, but although his intelligence was less, his compassion was greater. For an instant, he felt a pang of guilt, then mentally slapped himself. What he did was necessary. Those who could not understand that had to die. He grieved over their deaths, of course, far more so than that of the filthy criminals he swept off the face of the earth, as they were the compassionate, brave, good people he wanted in his world, but nothing could be allowed to prevent his perfect world.
He still had no idea how to react. He’d comforted others before, but certainly never for something he did, and recently it was all an act. How he longed to be able to give up the charade, announce once and forever that he was Kira and dispense with all the mindless fluff he had to put up with in order to protect himself. Now, however…he really wanted to help Rue, but had no idea of how to go about doing so. With an unsure look, he got up from his place and walked over to the sobbing man, hugging him tightly, hoping at least to communicate some reassurance and safety.
Despite the fact that he might later have to kill the man. He pondered the words of the letter and Rue’s own slightly bizarre behavior…then again, if he was really related to L, which seemed more and more likely, this was probably as normal as he was going to get.
“What did he mean by ‘released’, Rue?” he asked gently.
One of the soft hands came up to wipe a few of the tears away, as the fellow student answered, “I…I have problems…with depression…”
Instantly everything made sense. He reacted this strongly because he was an overly emotional person, very sensitive. ‘Try to live a good life…’ ‘your solution’…
“You’ve tried to commit suicide, didn’t you?” The words were even softer, their touch as light as a feather. Any harder, and Rue might shatter in his hands.
A sob. A nod. Why Rue Ryuzaki would want to commit suicide was unclear, but then for things like this it wasn’t always very obvious. Then again, he was constantly second, living in the shadow of his brother. He wasn’t driven to win because he’d never felt he had a chance to succeed, just scooting through life like a ghost. And when he said he had depression, that probably meant a chemical imbalance he had very little control over. It was an altogether (ironically) depressing situation.
“I…I’m sorry, Ryuzaki-kun. But…from what little I’ve seen of you, I like you. I think you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for, and just a nice guy in general. The world could use a few more people like you.” If only he could be friends with this man, if only they could be on the same side. But he’d killed the brother, so very alike, and he had a feeling Rue would not react very well to that news. Like most people, he probably wouldn’t be able to get past his own personal views to see the situation rationally, as it needed to be seen.
Hands clenched of their own accord at his jacket, hard enough to bruise slightly—but the gesture wasn’t meant to cause pain. Like a little child seeking relief from a parent or cousin. L, or probably Ryuzaki, had seemed childish at times. Rue, on the other hand, seemed a child, with a child’s understanding of the world.
After a minute, Rue took a shaky breath and removed his hands, wiping at his eyes with the back of a hand. “S-sorry, Yagami-san…I just…”
“It’s all right. It’s very difficult to take death lightly, and in fact, that’s probably a good thing. Life is valuable.” Light Yagami did not see his statement as ironic. He viewed the taking of the lives of those who did not deserve it to be a very serious duty. Ryuk, on the other hand, found it hilarious and laughed for a long time. Rue seemed a little shocked, scared even, and flinched when the Shinigami began to laugh. Kira noticed this fact and inwardly frowned, but merely filed it away for later. He found it very unlikely that this depressed individual had ever found and used a Death Note. Like his sister Sayu, Rue Ryuzaki would probably have a panic attack first, would be too cowardly to take a life even in a good cause.
Pale lips trembled; slate grey eyes stared at him, pleading. “Of…of course. You are right, Yagami-san, and it makes me happy to hear you say so. I think that is the worst thing.” The eyes dropped to the floor, despondent, the miserable color of cloudy skies when the whole world seemed apathetic and pessimistic. “To hold someone else’s life in your own hands, to believe that it is within your own power to take. I can believe that power would be addictive, corrupting. Life is precious. It’s powerful and mysterious and we do not fully understand it.”
Light smiled despite himself. He really didn’t want to react to this, to agree with Rue, but on some level he did. ‘Yet it should be worth the most for those who deserve it. Those who ignore its worth such as murderers and rapists deserve to feel the wrath of those who have done nothing wrong, but do not wish to act for fear of contamination. I’m not afraid.’ He gave the younger man another light squeeze before getting back to his feet. “I’m glad to hear you say that. Your own life is included as a thing beyond price that is not to be thrown away lightly, okay?”
A small, sheepish smile met him. “Yes. I’m sorry.” Rue got to his feet gingerly with the same awkward grace that his ‘brother’ seemed to have possessed.
“If he said don’t come to Japan…” Light mused, meeting the weeping grey eyes before him. Rue met his question with a small smile.
“I always had trouble listening to what he said. But I just wanted to see if I…If I could fit in. Succeed at To-Oh where he obviously failed. He never could and I…I’m beginning to feel like I won’t ever be normal either.” A bit of fight, of spirit. In his heart, Yagami cheered for L’s younger brother.
“Don’t worry. I happen to think you fit in just fine. And anyway, I’ll protect you from Kira…if I can.” That promise was meant whole-heartedly, and sent Ryuk off again. Light no longer had to act in this situation. He really cared now. Of course, it would be easy enough to exorcise such emotion that might get in the way of his work later, but for now… “Look, I understand if it’s too soon, but…I can bring you to where he’s buried, if you…”
Rue nodded, acting almost frightened. “Please.”
Beyond Birthday felt empty staring at the blank headstone before him. He almost rolled his eyes at Light when the killer explained, “No one knew L’s real name to put it on the gravestone…” It was common sense.
“I think, in some weird way, he probably would have been pleased about that. Words and reputations are washed away so easily. It’s deeds that count. Twenty years from now, no one will remember your name, but if your actions still have a meaningful impact on the world, whether or not they’re seen as connected with you…That’s what matters.” Subconsciously Rue’s voice changed, reflecting the man he’d spent so much of his life acting as a shadow, a mirror image. Although the young Yagami knew that it wasn’t meant to be frightening, that the wide-eyed raven boy was probably only repeating words he’d heard his brother say a thousand times, a shiver ran down his spine. It was like seeing a ghost.
“I’ll give you some time alone if you want.” Rue nodded gratefully, tears beginning to reemerge again from what was apparently a bottomless well. The perfect killer knew that he should probably stay and watch the man, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Superstitious or not, the tall, straight, messy haired figure was too spooky to stick around, here of all places. Anywhere else, he didn’t seem frightening; a cuddly panda bear figure that, unlike his brother, didn’t come across as a cunning, even scheming threat. But here…? He resembled a Shinigami, his whole body imbued with a sinister aura of malice. Like he was a predator, stalking his prey in the night.
As if. Rue Ryuzaki might be a lot smarter than he’d believe, smart enough to figure out who Kira was if not properly handled, but he was not dangerous. The only threat he posed was an intellectual, not a physical one. He was less strong than his brother, and although he was fast, Rue had probably never tried to hurt anyone in his life.
Light scoffed at his fear, but like generations before him shrunk back from something he couldn’t understand, something that filled him with foreboding. So instead he retreated to the car he’d driven to the site, asking Ryuk to watch the younger Ryuzaki. “After all, you found him fascinating. If he’s so interesting, why don’t you continue to watch him?”
Ryuk cackled and flew off, wings flapping like a giant bird of prey. Light suppressed another shudder of dread. ‘Life was so much simpler before you, L…’
In principle, Beyond was alone. He could have said anything to the gravestone. Instead, he just stood, staring down at it with the stillness of a statue. His cheeks dripped, but he made no move to dry his face. He had the odd sensation of being watched, and although he tried to pass such a reaction off as total nonsense, his instincts kept insisting that he wasn’t the only one there in the city of death.
“Show-off. Why’d you have to go and get yourself killed?” His hands clenched again and he licked his lip where it still had blood stains.
“Because I wanted to see how good you’d do. I wanted to see how badly you managed to mess this one up,” came an answer he certainly wasn’t expecting, and he turned to see L…or rather, a vision of L. This couldn’t possibly be real. He was grinning with one of those cutely sadistic grins he’d often worn himself in dreams, hair colored blue for some reason known only to the great detective. A ghost? A kami with L’s form?
Rue shrieked and stumbled backward, falling into the grass, the demonic L following, smile only growing. He kept crawling backwards…anything to get away from this. The voices in his head given life and form.
“You’ll fail, Backup, like you always do. Always the failure. Failed to surpass me, failed to save A…You tried so hard to be the hero, the one who saves the day, but that’ll never happen, will it, Beyond Birthday?” The smile grew until it was wide enough to swallow Beyond whole. “You’ll lose yourself in the madness, you’ll kill, and in the end, you’ll die, butchered at Kira’s hand…”
Rain started to fall, blood-red, and it began swirling around L, whose eyes glinted back the terrifying red that Rue would see in mirrors… The next words were spat at him, as L sneered, eyes glimmering with the hatred that Rue hoped he would never earn. “You’ll know the blood, dripping from the knife, staining your hands forever. Just like your favorite strawberry jam. You’re already a lost soul, Backup. No chance of redemption.”
Rue curled up into a ball, clamping his hands to his head as tightly as he could make them, desperately trying to cut out the voices, the outside world. He wasn’t even aware of the pained sounds he was making, like the whimpering of a beaten dog. It couldn’t be L. L wasn’t cruel, not like this. It was all in his head. That didn’t stop him from panicking when L bent to touch his arm, still with that unholy light in his eyes, and it burnt like a brand…
Light Yagami jerked out of his annoyance at how long Rue Ryuzaki was taking at the bloodcurdling scream of someone scared for their life. Rue.
He took off at top speed, running through the headstones, only to find a completely hysterical Ryuzaki curled up in a fetal position, still screaming in pain and fear at the top of his lungs. Yet again, he had no idea how to react to this, but the first thought that popped into his head was ‘Perhaps depression wasn’t his only mental problem..’
“What happened?” he asked urgently, fully aware that Rue would probably not respond , but inviting Ryuk to answer.
“He just started flopping around. What am I supposed to do about it? It’s not as if I can give him CPR or anything like that…I think I’d probably give him a heart attack just trying to help him!”
A loud cackle followed those words. The Shinigami sounded genuinely amused, a grin dancing around his huge blue lips. He watched with genuine interest as the young student continued to shriek helplessly without pause, only muffled by the fact that he was curled up on himself enough that his face was practically buried in his shirt.
Compassionately, Light began trying to pry off one of the smooth white hands from an ear, and if anything the shrieks grew louder as Rue feebly fought the touch. Light wasn’t taken aback this time, but simply continued to try to get Rue back out of his terrified, broken state.
“Don’t touch me!” The words slipped from his mouth, probably meant nothing, considering how disconnected from the real world Rue must’ve been at this point. Nonetheless, Kira’s eyes narrowed as he stared down at the ashen, twisted, defenseless form before him. “You’re not…real… You’re dead. Go away…” The pleading turned into a mutter, until even Light, putting his ear up to the trembling mouth, couldn’t hear a thing. He felt a righteous anger fill him. How could L do…whatever he did to his own brother to have him this terrified? Perhaps his judgment was even more appropriate than he’d thought at the time.
“It’s okay, Rue. It’s Yagami Raito. L isn’t here.” He would make it safe for innocents with good hearts like this to exist in the world, and if he could’ve killed L all over again in that moment, he would have. No one should be allowed to terrorize the truly guiltless.
“Make him go away,” Rue pleaded, staring past Light with terrified eyes. The perfect freshman turned his head to see…Ryuk, still cackling with a glee that enraged Kira. The other student didn’t react any more than that, though, and seemed to be staring at something neither of them could see.
“I’ll protect you from him. He’s not real.” As if by magic, those words brought Rue back to real life, though still quaking in terror.
“He said I was evil. That Kira would kill me. That I’ll always be a failure.” The words were those of a child, spoken simply, as the shattered soul tried hard not to cry.
Keeping in the anger was painful. Many would be judged tonight. “I assure you, that’s not the case. You don’t fit the profile of any of his victims in the past, you’ll be under protection as a possible witness or whatever else we can dream up, and anyway you’re not a failure. You’re doing pretty well as far as I can tell.”
The grey eyes shifted aside as he bit his bottom lip again, causing blood to rise to the surface. Light softened. “Look, if it’ll make you feel safer, I’ll take you to the task force, all right?”
Hesitantly, Rue nodded.
They were walking back to the car when they were met with another scream of fear, and Ryuzaki flinched. Ryuk chuckled some more.
