nevermoreraven (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nevermoreraven) wrote2020-02-10 10:51 pm
nevermoreraven) wrote2020-02-10 10:51 pm
Entry tags:
Martha Conversation
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: Teen
DISCLAIMER: Again, Doctor/Martha isn't a thing.
Summary: Not the most cringiest, but not great. Mostly archiving here. The angst of a Time Lord plus some cheesy relationship stuff. Don't know whether the Other Doctor refers to something along the lines of acting10th11thmartha or just a regeneration (though I suspect it's the first).
Martha stared at the face-so familiar, and yet younger than she'd ever seen it. "Why did you kiss me, earlier?"
The pseudo-Doctor didn't answer, just stared into space. It was becoming clear to her that this was just another one of those I-wish-you-were-Rose-but-you're-not-so-I'm-not-going-to-talk moments, so she sighed heavily and turned away. Why did she keep getting her hopes up? This one, however different, however much he treated her better than Professor John Smith, wasn't any better than her Doctor. He noticed her, yes, but it was only marginally better than the times Her Doctor had stared straight through her.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was one of the Other Doctor's-soft, warm, and comforting. She thought about ignoring him and seeing how a doctor felt about a taste of his own medicine, but that was just the hurt inside her talking. She could never do that to her Doctor, no matter how much he snubbed her or let her feelings down for the hundred thousandth time. The choice was taken for her, as her body turned to face him. She was thrown back at the expression she saw there. The pain was so familiar in that face, almost a constant in the time she'd gotten to know him, so it shouldn't be all that surprising. What really astonished her was how obvious it was.
Usually, the Doctor she'd come to know would try to hide it, pretend that there was nothing wrong, which would only hurt them both worse. Martha used to think, with that irrational, jealous part of her mind, that he'd never hesitate to tell Rose and let her comfort him. The more logical, doctorly part of her mind told her that he was just one of those people who didn't like being fussed over. This time, there was no effort to disguise the tears gathering. The hurt on his face was plainly visible-usually, the little of it she saw was only in the terrible look in his eyes. His big, brown eyes were full of agony so pure and full that she just longed to hug him and hope that would help, even though somewhere inside she knew that it wouldn't change a thing, the useless but hopeful 'cures' that parents use for convincing kids that there are no monsters under the bed or that a band-aid will make everything better.
"Martha, I...whenever I'm sitting there brooding, I'm not just thinking of Rose." The tone was bright, teasing, but Martha could feel the undercurrent of emotion raising hairs on the back of her neck.
"I'm the Oncoming Storm. Whenever I show up somewhere, people die. Ignoring you doesn't just hurt you. It hurts me too. But I felt that it was the only way." He was begging her to understand, the pain gathering like storm clouds and threatening to burst, dissolving him into a sobbing, crumpled mess.
"Only way to what?" Martha asked gently, trying not to get irritated by the thought of Rose.
"Martha, I enter people's lives and they get ruined forever. Sure, I show you the sights. I open your world so much, but look what I did to Rose. I broke her heart, Martha. She's stuck in an alternate dimension forever, and all she can think about is getting back to me. She was seventeen. She's never gonna be able to move on. Martha, I-I'm acid, poison. By touching me, by being near me, you're getting hurt-and like drugs, you're addicted. You can't leave. Well...you did-once. That's the future-my past, maybe your future in this timeline IF I can get it sorted. But even if you do leave, you're still gonna have the emotional scars forever. Nothing, not even Time, can heal those, make them go away. Trust me, I'm a Time Lord. I know." Somehow, the Doctor was holding it together. The Other Doctor, really. It was a near thing, Martha could tell. The look on his face was anguished, but he wasn't even starting to cry-she was sure he would have started by now, from her first glance at the awful look on her face.
"Martha, I...love far too quickly, far too deeply. I'm getting sentimental in my old age," he added as an afterthought, wiping away the wetness in his eyes with the back of his hand.
Martha made a move to speak, and somehow the Other Doctor managed to smile. "Yes, I've had loads of companions. And I don't need to love each and every one of them romantically for their departures to rip me apart. When they leave, they always take a piece of them with me. I mean, I'm glad I have two hearts-it gives me a little more to give than most, but in the end it still hurts. I'm surprised there's anything of me left. And as for the other-yes, I am old. Part of me. My soul, really. Yes, my body's younger than yours-and that's not just referring to regeneration time."
Martha managed a sympathetic smile, forgiving him completely. Forget Rose. He was confiding in her for once-and she never guessed the magnitude of the pain-even though she probably should have. With the Doctor, it was never something small, individual. It always had to be universe-ending calamities, intergalactic scale-SOMETHING huge.
"Martha, I get attached so quickly. The reason I was holding you at arm's length was because I felt I had to. I was protecting you from myself. Even people I only meet once...they're never quite the same, are they? I kept you along because I needed you. I couldn't tell you all this before, and expect you and I to travel on, just Smith and Jones, unattached. The universe doesn't work that way; it'd tear us apart. Ever since I met you, I was attracted to you, but I didn't want a repeat of the episode with Rose, so I just kept you isolated. It wasn't really working, I could tell, but I couldn't just get rid of you. I am so rubbish." The smile was brittle, but completely the Doctor's, telling Martha not to worry about the way he was beating himself up about it. He was saying, in his own way, that he lacked the courage just to send her away, to get her as far away from him as he could get, but somehow, this Doctor had gotten over that, and most of what he'd been telling her. Not completely, though.
"Martha..." Something in his voice told her to look into his eyes, because he was wanting to really communicate something with her, something that she wanted-or needed-to know. She peeked into her soul through the windows that were his deep, dark eyes, and he stared back into her own, taking her hands in his. "You asked me earlier why I kissed you. It's because I love you, Martha. I love you so much..." he gulped, and continued, "...The sweetheart I left at...well, I said home, but obviously that was just something so I wouldn't stand out too much because I didn't want Mr. Smith keeping too suspicious an eye on me...It was you, Martha. Well, obviously a different version of you. I mean, it couldn't be you you...well, hang on, no, it could. Time travel. But no, this is an alternate dimension Martha..."
He trailed off, mesmerized by her. Martha smiled and asked him to get him to talking again, "Alternate dimension?"
The Other Doctor just sort of shrugged. "Why I'm practically a kid. The world changed-long story-and I changed with it. As did, obviously, you. We were in college. I could barely work up the courage to talk to you, let alone ask you out on a date."
Martha resisted the impulse to laugh and just hugged the Doctor. He hugged her back-but she noticed that her jacket was getting a little wet. At least, she reflected, it wasn't her leather oxblood jacket. That'd really ruin it. But then again, it'd probably be worth this moment. With this whole conversation, suddenly her life had been turned upside down-and in a good way.
Rating: Teen
DISCLAIMER: Again, Doctor/Martha isn't a thing.
Summary: Not the most cringiest, but not great. Mostly archiving here. The angst of a Time Lord plus some cheesy relationship stuff. Don't know whether the Other Doctor refers to something along the lines of acting10th11thmartha or just a regeneration (though I suspect it's the first).
Martha stared at the face-so familiar, and yet younger than she'd ever seen it. "Why did you kiss me, earlier?"
The pseudo-Doctor didn't answer, just stared into space. It was becoming clear to her that this was just another one of those I-wish-you-were-Rose-but-you're-not-so-I'm-not-going-to-talk moments, so she sighed heavily and turned away. Why did she keep getting her hopes up? This one, however different, however much he treated her better than Professor John Smith, wasn't any better than her Doctor. He noticed her, yes, but it was only marginally better than the times Her Doctor had stared straight through her.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was one of the Other Doctor's-soft, warm, and comforting. She thought about ignoring him and seeing how a doctor felt about a taste of his own medicine, but that was just the hurt inside her talking. She could never do that to her Doctor, no matter how much he snubbed her or let her feelings down for the hundred thousandth time. The choice was taken for her, as her body turned to face him. She was thrown back at the expression she saw there. The pain was so familiar in that face, almost a constant in the time she'd gotten to know him, so it shouldn't be all that surprising. What really astonished her was how obvious it was.
Usually, the Doctor she'd come to know would try to hide it, pretend that there was nothing wrong, which would only hurt them both worse. Martha used to think, with that irrational, jealous part of her mind, that he'd never hesitate to tell Rose and let her comfort him. The more logical, doctorly part of her mind told her that he was just one of those people who didn't like being fussed over. This time, there was no effort to disguise the tears gathering. The hurt on his face was plainly visible-usually, the little of it she saw was only in the terrible look in his eyes. His big, brown eyes were full of agony so pure and full that she just longed to hug him and hope that would help, even though somewhere inside she knew that it wouldn't change a thing, the useless but hopeful 'cures' that parents use for convincing kids that there are no monsters under the bed or that a band-aid will make everything better.
"Martha, I...whenever I'm sitting there brooding, I'm not just thinking of Rose." The tone was bright, teasing, but Martha could feel the undercurrent of emotion raising hairs on the back of her neck.
"I'm the Oncoming Storm. Whenever I show up somewhere, people die. Ignoring you doesn't just hurt you. It hurts me too. But I felt that it was the only way." He was begging her to understand, the pain gathering like storm clouds and threatening to burst, dissolving him into a sobbing, crumpled mess.
"Only way to what?" Martha asked gently, trying not to get irritated by the thought of Rose.
"Martha, I enter people's lives and they get ruined forever. Sure, I show you the sights. I open your world so much, but look what I did to Rose. I broke her heart, Martha. She's stuck in an alternate dimension forever, and all she can think about is getting back to me. She was seventeen. She's never gonna be able to move on. Martha, I-I'm acid, poison. By touching me, by being near me, you're getting hurt-and like drugs, you're addicted. You can't leave. Well...you did-once. That's the future-my past, maybe your future in this timeline IF I can get it sorted. But even if you do leave, you're still gonna have the emotional scars forever. Nothing, not even Time, can heal those, make them go away. Trust me, I'm a Time Lord. I know." Somehow, the Doctor was holding it together. The Other Doctor, really. It was a near thing, Martha could tell. The look on his face was anguished, but he wasn't even starting to cry-she was sure he would have started by now, from her first glance at the awful look on her face.
"Martha, I...love far too quickly, far too deeply. I'm getting sentimental in my old age," he added as an afterthought, wiping away the wetness in his eyes with the back of his hand.
Martha made a move to speak, and somehow the Other Doctor managed to smile. "Yes, I've had loads of companions. And I don't need to love each and every one of them romantically for their departures to rip me apart. When they leave, they always take a piece of them with me. I mean, I'm glad I have two hearts-it gives me a little more to give than most, but in the end it still hurts. I'm surprised there's anything of me left. And as for the other-yes, I am old. Part of me. My soul, really. Yes, my body's younger than yours-and that's not just referring to regeneration time."
Martha managed a sympathetic smile, forgiving him completely. Forget Rose. He was confiding in her for once-and she never guessed the magnitude of the pain-even though she probably should have. With the Doctor, it was never something small, individual. It always had to be universe-ending calamities, intergalactic scale-SOMETHING huge.
"Martha, I get attached so quickly. The reason I was holding you at arm's length was because I felt I had to. I was protecting you from myself. Even people I only meet once...they're never quite the same, are they? I kept you along because I needed you. I couldn't tell you all this before, and expect you and I to travel on, just Smith and Jones, unattached. The universe doesn't work that way; it'd tear us apart. Ever since I met you, I was attracted to you, but I didn't want a repeat of the episode with Rose, so I just kept you isolated. It wasn't really working, I could tell, but I couldn't just get rid of you. I am so rubbish." The smile was brittle, but completely the Doctor's, telling Martha not to worry about the way he was beating himself up about it. He was saying, in his own way, that he lacked the courage just to send her away, to get her as far away from him as he could get, but somehow, this Doctor had gotten over that, and most of what he'd been telling her. Not completely, though.
"Martha..." Something in his voice told her to look into his eyes, because he was wanting to really communicate something with her, something that she wanted-or needed-to know. She peeked into her soul through the windows that were his deep, dark eyes, and he stared back into her own, taking her hands in his. "You asked me earlier why I kissed you. It's because I love you, Martha. I love you so much..." he gulped, and continued, "...The sweetheart I left at...well, I said home, but obviously that was just something so I wouldn't stand out too much because I didn't want Mr. Smith keeping too suspicious an eye on me...It was you, Martha. Well, obviously a different version of you. I mean, it couldn't be you you...well, hang on, no, it could. Time travel. But no, this is an alternate dimension Martha..."
He trailed off, mesmerized by her. Martha smiled and asked him to get him to talking again, "Alternate dimension?"
The Other Doctor just sort of shrugged. "Why I'm practically a kid. The world changed-long story-and I changed with it. As did, obviously, you. We were in college. I could barely work up the courage to talk to you, let alone ask you out on a date."
Martha resisted the impulse to laugh and just hugged the Doctor. He hugged her back-but she noticed that her jacket was getting a little wet. At least, she reflected, it wasn't her leather oxblood jacket. That'd really ruin it. But then again, it'd probably be worth this moment. With this whole conversation, suddenly her life had been turned upside down-and in a good way.